My Cat Died Today
My beautiful Siamese cat, Jerry died this early morning. At six minutes past three to be exact..
I haven’t told the kids yet because they are due to go for their first sleepover together with their grandfather and I don’t want to ruin that for them. I haven’t told Granpa either because I can’t keep it together enough and he’s not a great one for tears.
Also believe it or not, my husband and I are due to go out for dinner – alone – as a couple, without the kids, for the first time in years. Somehow I don’t think I am going to make it.
Jerry was my bush baby. Literally. He and his two siblings were found under a bush in a local park. While the other two made a break for it and I could not catch them, Jerry scrambled up the bush stem to me. I sat on a bench with him and he settled on my lap and that was where he could be found for most of his short life.
His was a gentle and unruffled soul. While we humans played chess he’d lay on the table patting the captured pieces. Read a newspaper and he’d place a paw on the edge of the page as if keeping the plac, though as a kitten he’d literally try to digest the news. Do a jigsaw and he’d lay in the box on top of the unused pieces. Generally in my life, I have had female cats but Jerry and Fergus were the most loving and sweet.
Fergus was also a stray though him I picked up in the local RSPCA. Like him, Jerry seemed incapable of any form of aggression – to humans at least. He was murder on the local bird and lizard population. And that is what I think killed him in the end.
I have never agreed with the belief that an indoor cat could lead a fulfilling feline life. I certainly wouldn’t like to spend all my days indoors. I couldn’t imagine cooping such a free spirited creature up in an apartment or house no matter how large it was or how well furnished with cat furniture and toys.
So Jerry and my other cat Lily are indoor-outdoor cats. They tend to hang about the patio laying on the roof of the shade structure there. When I walk Skye, they’ll gallop after me in the park, shooting up trees and darting under bushes, chasing each other and having fun.
But like most cats, they were hunters and if a present of a lizard (or half a lizard) was not a daily occurance it was still frequent enough to be an event that is largely ignored by the kids. ‘Eeew – Mum, Jerry’s left a lizard tail under the table again!’ But Jerry and his feline pack mate were (are in Lily’s case) both skilled hunters. Lily still presents me with all sort of gory gifts though I think it may be dawning on her that the entrails of her cat kill are truly not that attractive to me.
On Monday morning, Jerry wasn’t where he should be; screaming his face off in the kitchen for his breakfast. He didn’t come running tail up down the corridor when I called him and he wasn’t out getting the best spot on the roof before Lily claimed it. I noted his absence and suspected the little devil was curled up in the kid’s cupboard again getting his fine white hairs all over their clothes.
I wish that was where he had been. Instead when I got back from the school run, I spied Jerry up on the patio roof. Surprisingly though he miowed a greeting at me, he didn’t move. I chatted to him a bit expecting him to jump down and run to the kitchen for a late breakfast but still he lay there.
I climbed onto a wooden box to speak to Jerry more directly. As soon as I was close to him he started to purr like a tractor, so I still didn’t expect the worse. I reached up to lift Jerry down and he hissed in my face. He never made a move to scratch or bite but he must have been in great pain for in all his life he had never done anything but purr.
I laid him down and saw the blood. Initially I thought it was his tail – that maybe a dog had got hold of him, but I soon saw the problem was his back leg where a tendon had been bitten almost through. It looked painful but not that serious. Not life-threateningly serious.
How wrong I was. Given a strong dose of antibiotics by the vet, Jerry was discharged. I was told to expect him to be listless and perhaps off his food. He was that alright. He hardly moved for two days and it seemed that though not gouting, blood still seeped from the wound.
I was back at the vet on Wednesday. This time the thermometer came out covered in blood. ‘It’s fresh, said the vet, …he’s bleeding from the lower intestine’. He was anemic too. All that seeping blood and no food for two days. It was time to start force feeding him.
So, the vet injected glucose under his skin and packed us off home again with a recommendation to come back in two days if Jerry showed no improvement on a regime of frequent, small feedings to build up his strength again.
On Thursday, Jerry did seem to rally a little. My husband confidently predicted that Jerry would be fine especially as he was now moving about a little and had elected to leave the bed I’d made up for him in a cosy, quiet spot and lay in the living room instead. But, I wasn’t so sure. My husband rolled his eyes at me when I told him I’d be taking Jerry back to the vet in the morning.
He didn’t make it till then. Just before three, Jerry started wheezing and gulping for breath. His body was wracked with a shuddering seizure and then he lay still, panting. I lay beside him on the floor and stroked his head talking quietly.
With his breathing so laboured it was obvious that he would never last long enough to find an emergency vet. I picked him up gently and laid him across my knee as I frantically tried to find some magical cure on the internet. Perhaps there would be something, somewhere that would tell me a position or a home cure for a cat in the throes of a terminal siezure.
Now I suspect that Jerry’s wounds were not what killed him. I have a pigeon breeder tothe back of my house. Both Jerry and Lily have brought birds home. I think the pigeon fancier laid down poison. Something like warfarin would explain why Jerry’s blood didn’t clot. The pegeon guy would have laifd the poison for rats and maybe even for cats but he didn’t intend this slow toruous death of my beautiful furbabe
How stupid. Typing and sobbing, I kept talking to Jerry the whole time. Kept telling him everything would be alright. Only, of course it wasn’t. Nothing would ever be alright for Jerry again.
And now, here I am asking myself why. Why did this beautiful soul have to die – and die so horribly? What really happened? Was it – as the vet said – a cat fight with resultant internal bruising? Was it rat poison? Did a dog get him? Did I make a horrible mistake by picking him up and carrying him to the computer chair – breaking him further inside and shortening his life by even a few minutes?
Two things seem to be stuck in my mind. One is that Jerry would still be alive today if he was an indoor only cat and the other is that I have a problem coming to terms with the veterinary care Jerry received. I knew he was sick enough to die but instead of going with my gut I listened to the vet when he said he was just weak from loss of blood from the leg wound. He indicated that the internal bleeding was not likely to be serious … so why did I not take Jerry to another vet? At what point do you know that you need a second opinion instead of putting your faith blindly in the doctors?
Run free at the bridge, Jerry baby.
Edited: It has been a few years since my cat, Jerry, died. I still miss him and tear up thinking about him but I am reconciled. I wanted to say that even with his death and the personal struggle I went through afterwards I do not keep my cats indoors. I cannot. I personally believe that cats have a better quality of life if they are allowed to hunt outdoors. You may feel differently and I respect that. Please respect my choice in letting my cats be (IMHO) cats.
Now I suspect that Jerry’s wounds were not what killed him. I have a pigeon breeder to the back of my house. Both Jerry and Lily have brought his birds home. I think the pigeon fancier laid down poison. Something like warfarin would explain why Jerry’s blood didn’t clot. The pigeon guy would have laid the poison for rats and maybe even for cats but he didn’t intend this slow tortuous death of my beautiful furbabe.
Jerry would not have died had I kept him in the house. But he also would not have lived. I don’t think it is possible to raise a healthy child by wrapping them in cotton wool and I have to say, I don’t believe it is possible for a cat to be cat (as opposed to a pet), if you keep it in the house.
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
What a very sad story of the death of your kitten.
I lost my Rascal girl, and she wasn’t really sick. My Mom was requiring 24-hour health care, and I was not paying attention to Rascal. Suddenly she was sick, and I was too absorbed and stupid to handle everything at once. Now I hate my mom. I miss my Rascal, who was my best buddy for 10 years. I cannot reconcile this whole episode.
Ahhh, Joyce, I still miss Jerry. It has been over two years now and I still think about him every day. I am so sorry to hear about Rascal and it sounds like you have been under a lot of pressure with your Mom. I don’t know if you think it would help but you might want to try writing about Rascal. Or find old photos of him and make a video.
I typed that story about Jerry through tears but by putting my thoughts into words it did help me a lot.
My cat Kaida Rin died today,
She had been sick almost all her life. My husband I got her 4 years ago. Two months after we got her she got really sick. We went to 3 vets and finally found one who would take the time to see her and when they got to her she had a PAC blood cell count of 6 there suppose to have like 30. The vet said she should not have been alive and so blood transfusions and countless trips to the vet later she was getting healthy, but we still could not figure out why it had happened we tested for all kinds of things and found nothing wrong with her. She was good and I remember the day she was able to get her vaccinations for the first time. Everyone in the whole office teared up and clapped. It was the same when she got spayed.
After all that she still did good and then one day she was just the same as before. We got her back to health again and for a few years she was good, Well, the last couple of months it was recurring more and more and it was worse every time. Three days ago she got sick again and we took her in they tried a new treatment to see if it was a blood parasite and gave a shot because she had pulled a shoulder muscle. She did not seem to respond and today I had to take her back in and my husband who loved her very much seeing as how he rescued her decided that she was two sick she couldn’t even stand anymore.
So we had to make a choice. It was sad we miss her so much and we had a little service for her in the yard and the people who loved her came it was actually really sweet. And we have be getting calls and emails from people who miss her to.
Who would ever think that one little cat would change people so much.
Kaida Rin Your Mommy and Daddy miss you. We thank God that you got to be in our lives and Find my Mom cause she give you lots of treatses. >^..^<
Love you more than we could ever say.
Oh God , I imagine , what your’e going thru , my baby Sagwa died on 01 apr 2010 , a while after giving birth toher 1st born, who also passed away with her.
Jerry reminds me of her and my heart broke when I hear from what he died off .
Its been over 3 month and my heart still hurts whenever I think of her, hope you are doing better , I just think of the bridge over the rainbow , where Sagwa and Jerry plus all these other cats that are put to sleep or die of any other causes roam happily , free and without any pain
Thank you Evelyn and Jessica,
It never ceases to amaze me how real friends fail to understand the devastation of losing a pet. And yet here you are who know nothing about me, and you put into your words more empathy than they will ever know.
There is a wild cat in the area. She has been around for years and I have always thought she was Jerry’s sister. She’s quick and clever and the people that come by twice a year to trap and and sterilize the ferals have never caught her. I think she’s pregnant and if so, I will wait until the babes are old enough and bring them all home. I’ll find them homes and keep a boy. He won’t be Jerry but I know I’ll know which has the character most like him and I will find great homes for the rest. Wish me luck!
my Jasper died two days ago. I don’t think I am going to be able to go on without him and the guilt of not getting him to the vets sooner. I don’t know what to do. I can see you all have felt the same. Does the pain ever lessen? I need him back I want him to know how much I love him and wish I had helped him. The vet said the upper respiratory infection he had should not have killed him but it did. I was at work and he was looking for me and he was suffering alone.
Kayla,
I am so sorry about Jasper. It is such a terrible blow. It will take a while and I am sure you will cry an ocean of tears over the next few months but eventually the pain will lessen and you will be able to think about the good times you had with him. Please believe that.
Also although it is hard not to blame yourself and you can tell from my story that I did the same but really how could you have known? You need to be at work to feed yourself and Jasper and whoever else you have in your family. Guilt is a part of grieving process. That despair will also fade and leave you sadder but wiser.
Thinking of you and sending you a tight hug.
Thank you for posting your story and your follow up. My big beautiful 24 pound orange Tabby named Tigger/Tubby was hit by a car and left in the gutter. We had to put him to sleep. It was the longest drive to the vet, one I have made before. I hate going to a vet office and not leaving with your pet. We acquired him through a neighbors forclosure on their home. What a sad phone call to tell her as well. We think he was 13 or so. A fighter that moved like a sloth. He resembled a racoon at night and slept in our ferns during the day in the sun. Sometimes you would see him laying on his back in the sun and think he was already gone and bloated. We would laugh because we knew he was just living large. He has gone to be with another neighbor, Mrs. Brown who also passed away and loved this cat. We will not replace him and we worry about our black beauty that still goes outside and sleeps on our roof as well, Matilda. I am sad and angry tonight. I can’t sleep because I have been clenching my jaw all night.
Who could hit a cat, so white and bright in broad daylight and not stop. He was pretty hard to miss except for this one time. I know with time this will slow down, but your blog helped just by giving me something to read. I also have a siamese indoor cat who will sleep and talk to me tonight and give me comfort. Animal lovers are special people. I appreciated the kindness at the vet office.
Through tears I bid farewell to a wonderful cat. Too heavy for me even to lift, lived through a chunk of his cheek being torn off, multiple cat fights, sunbather, overeater, demanding, adorable fat cat.
Carol,
I agree with you 100% about animal lovers. Just look not only at my story but at the others who have written here. So much sadness in one page but there is empathy and love too. Looking back over Jerry’s story and Jasper’s, Rascal, Kaida Rin, Sagwa and now Tubby (it sounds like that suits him the best) I know we have all payed for loving our four legged friends in buckets of tears but we shared something special with their furry souls that no-one who does not love animals will ever understand.
I know it hurts like hell right now but it sounds like Tubby lived a great big lazy old cat life and I bet he wouldn’t change a second of it. He sounds like a great character.
That is very sad. With our animal friends’ lives so much shorter than ours we have this price to pay for loving them.
I hate but love hearing people’s stories about cats. I’m such a cat fan
But I don’t even know what breed mine is! I care so much about my
13 yr old kitty .. So much that I always think there’s something wrong with him … Sorry for your loss, he’s with the fishes now!
My cats was an outdoor cat, but another cat kept causing my cat trips to the vets … So my cat (Charlie) decided on his own will! To become an indoor cat.
….
Isnt rat poison illegal to place close to houses without permission from neighbours? I wouldn’t know much I’m only 12 … :0.
All the best for your family and you …
SORRY IF THIS COMMENTS A LITTLE LATE! xD
My Siamese died the night I went to see her at the vet,I didn’t find out until today… I miss her so very much. Its very hard..she was my baby. She had died from cancer. Its tough and hurts badly to know that the next time you see them is when you pass….and the tough part of that is waiting.
Missing them gets easier everyday. Because, even though it is one day further from the last time you saw each other, it is one day closer to the next time you will.
My Cat Tilly died today and im so heartbroken. She had diabeties and we were injecting her twice a day. Yesterday she started coughing up blood so we took her to the vets today and they told us she had a cancerous tumour in the roof of her mouth and that it would be best to put her to sleep. I held her paw as she died. She was my beautiful girl and slept with me on my bed every night. I don’t know what I will do without her.
I am very sorry about your cat. My cat, Shadow, died today. My other cat, sassy, died one month ago. They were brothers and Sisters.
Hi Elisabeth,
The neighbor breeds racing pigeons. I can understand him wanting to protect his birds from rats becasue I am sure a rat in the coop would cause untold damage. I don’t know the legalities of it.
My cats are still now outdoor cats although if one chose to stay indoors I would be happy with that. Charlie sounds like a smart little guy.
Hi Kourtney,
It’s the price we pay for loving them, hun. I had to have my beautiful 11.5 year old boxer PTS just before Christmas because she had bone cancer. She and Jerry will always be with me and although I have cried buckets over losing them, I would not have missed out on having them in the first place, would you? You are right that time passes and it does get easier.
Hi Rebecca,
I have recently had my boxer, Skye PTS because of the pain she was in through bone cancer. It was a truly dreadful experience but I was there stroking her head and telling her she was the best girl in the world until she slipped away and it gives me comfort to know that that was the last thing she heard. I could also see the pain leaving her and I knew I was doing the right thing (even though I am in tears telling you this). It is so hard to lose a four legged friend and many people do not understand how deeply you hurt over it. You will get through it though and maybe one day, another cat will find its way into your life.
Neely,
That is so sad. Did they die of old age or of illness? I imagine you are devastated. As you see here on this page, you are not alone. We all know what you are going through. Hugs.
I know your devastated but don’t feel guilty. I had to put my cat Lexi to sleep 2 days ago. She had come down with chronic kidney disease and I’m sure the hard food, and all that protein killed her.
After what I read. However, after putting her to sleep I felt I was so guilty maybe, I could of and should of kept her alive longer. She was really suffering had been throwing up a lot. I thought it was fur balls bothering her. I don’t feel guilty anymore because she may live a year longer if she got dialysis or she was dying in a day or two. No one knew this no Vet but I know she was suffering and I loved her way to much to let her suffer 1 minute more. She was in pain and keeping her on an IV for days wasn’t showing true love or compassion for my Lexi. It would have been selfish and I know this. I would of kept her alive for me and my need to have her.
It was her time and this was it. She was 16 and there were no assurances. I have cried 2 days straight Lexi knows I loved her and she me. We had a very strong bond she always meowed, “mom mom mom” and came to me for hugs and slept almost every night on my arm or side… a real sweetie that will always be missed. Miss you Lexi………
I got my cat leo when he was 1 week old… he was an abandoned kitten!! he was too small to even pee or poop on his own!! i spent the best moments of my life “”last late summer”" taking care of my little leo to grow and to become a grown up cat… even if it meant waking up every 3 hours to give him his bottle… i miss him so much… i took him everywhere i went in his little palace like cage… i even make a special system to warm him up using my sauna belt and layers of cloth just to make it like a mother cat’s belly temperature… and still he was grumy and didn’t settle to like his kitten hood in the cage… leo slept most of his life above my head on my pillow or on my belly… he lived and turned to a become a wonderful orange cat… i loved him with all my heart… we had a connection that was very special… i was his special favourite person//human and he was my kitty friend/baby that i adored… he got a cold a week ago… he took his medications and turned out alright… and started eating again and jumping… but a day and a half ago he started to breathe in a weird way… overhere we have no emergency vet and they close on weekends so mom was planning on taking him to the vet today… because i had uni… but he didn’t live to see morning… i saw him die infront of me… he struggled on the table and his eyes got wide and his heart stopped… and he froze dead… i can’t forget his beautiful little face as my fiance way taking him away from me so as not to see him dead… i was begging to hold him… but i fell down cause i fell apart… his eyes were shining like they did everytime i looked at him and called for him!!! at home, i have other cats who were his friends… but each one is special… but leo was my cat in our family other cats were to my sister, mom… no one could ever replace leo… i woke up this morning to look at his little grave… thinking of if i’ll ever see him again in heaven… how cold he was when i held him dead… and when he was alive he was filled with life, love and warmth… the heart holds more than words could ever explain… my saddest and deepest condolences to all of cat owners that have lost their beloved little friends… may they rest in peace… amen!!!
I agree wholeheartedly that cats are happier to be allowed to go outside. It’s not a life to be cooped up inside. If we treated our kids this way, keeping them safe but never letting them experience life, it would be child abuse.
I recently lost my mother. 5 months later my cat. A year of loss and a very painful time. I understand your loss and hope time has healed the wound.
Back to my original point, I think it is better to have had a short but happy life than a long life not fully lived.
Absolutely Rhiannon, that’s just how I feel. Even after losing Jerry when I wanted to keep my cats inside to protect them, I could not bring myself to do it. I understand why those that keep their cats indoor chose to do so and respect their choice. It is just not my way.
Yesterday it’s been a year since I decided to get Titi, my beloved cat and best friend, to the vet to perform an exploratory surgery, remove a small tumor and fix her vesicula. I still repent and feel horrible for that decision, because I knew I was betraying her. It was her last choice to get fixed from her liver problem and prevent her from having a painful and long deterioration until death. But I knew I was not thinking straight, I was confused and under pressure, but I knew that a surgery was a LOT to ask of her and she will do something to show her anger.
I knew her, she was under different treatments for about two years, loosing her patience more and more, that this will be a death blow for her. I promised her that it was the last attempt . I promised her a life free of vets, just homeopathy and reiki until the end. A witch told me that there was a small chance of improving her life with the surgery, but that there’ll be complications in the post-surgery. I did everything that was required, despite my dear friend’s disconfort and fear, while in the inside I was screaming myself to stop and leave her in peace, to return her to my parent’s home, where she lived all her life instead of keeping her in my small apartment, conveniently closed to the vet…
I was denying her to live in a beautiful big house, with acces to the garden and the street (and oh how she loved to go out) to fullfill my dream of living with her (for a couple of months, moving her back and forth from my parent’s house to mine, forcing her to get in a car or train or bus, which scared her but was needed because of the distance). I even took driving lessons, with the idea of buying a car and give her a better drive.
It never happened, she passed before I got my license. I believe in signs and after she died of consumption, a month and a half after the surgery, it struck me that I receive a cristal clear sign to stop: I had to take her to the vet, we struggled like hell and finally I forced her into the box. We arrived to the vet, but she forgot our appointment and wasn’t there. We returned home and I cried in anger for what I put my dear trough. But I couldn’t see the message: to stop going to the vet.
She was ill and there was nothing to do for her but to leave her be, and return her to where she was most happy: my parent’s home. And I will have to visit her everyday, enduring the long travel, and forgetting about my life in the city. One thing was sure: after two years since I learned from her disease, I had nothing left to do but go to work and be with her. All my life and thoughts and feelings were focused on her. I was nothing without her, but I was desperated, because I knew that things were not going well.
Nobody told me that she was a terminal patient. I feared february because two years early an old and experienced vet told me that she will not survive 6 months, or maybe a year, or maybe two years but that was it! And february 2011 was that date. She survived february, and in march I’ve got that sign and didn’t listen. Instead, I san to the vet and started a new treatment (she hated it with all her guts, she was so angry with me, I had to tricked her everyday to give her the medication, ruining her food and sweets. She avoided me until bed time, everyday for a month).
The results were worst and we started with a new homepathy vet, Titi welcomed her and her medicines, but the surgery had been scheduled and the vet got a dream team of doctors. The homeopathy vet suggested me to wait but said a positive thing about the procedure, so I continued with the plan. I didn’t want to call off the surgery, scared of upsetting the vet and ruin Titi’s best chance to get operated, and I also didn’t want to repeat the preliminary tests, to save her from a painful blood extraction. What a fool!! All that she’d been through in that cage for an entire week after the surgery!!
They run tests on her twice a day, pierced her, IV her, stressed her, scared her with controls and x rays until I requested the vet to gave her back to me and I turned my home and hers into a hospital, stressing her more, performing painful and complicated procedures to kept her medicated and fed, feeling her distance and hate and knowing that there was no going back. The damage was done and we had to get through the consequences and treatment and hope for the best. The house was a prison for her and for me, she was not eating much and I stop eating too. I couldn’t bare to eat in front of her.
I tried everything, all medications and doctors and repented every minute of it. In the last few weeks the vet came to see her, and suggested another surgery to see if they can nail the problem (they didn’t know if she was worst because something unexpected happened in relation to the surgery or if it was my decision of replacing alopathy for homeopathy as her main treatment) and if they couldn’t, it would be a just luxurious euthanasia. I said no: I thought that she had endured enough and another surgery will be a nightmare with a fatal end.
I decided to take her to may parent’s home and she was happy again, although getting weaker day by day. The final days I{ve got desperated and couldn’t stop myself. I started medications again, research the web, turned into a vet, a nurse, alopathy, homeopathy, force feeding her until she stopped swallowing. Then I stopped. There was nothing else to do but to wait.
And I called the vet: please end her agony, she can’t take it anymore. We set up a time in the afternoon, and I pet her for hours, while she was breathing fast and painfully. I put her over my chest and we took a little nap. I was devastated and so sad, and so sorry for what I’ve done to her all that time… Then I woke up and told her that in an hour the vet would come and that all her suffering will be gone. But also that she had one hour to do it herself and get away from her.
She feared the vet and I swear she understood me. She shivered, and moments later started to shake and tried to vomit something I gave her through the night (she managed to swallow a bit and I tried to feed her again, hoping, hoping… I told her that if she wanted to live, I was there for her, ready to continue fighting) and then she started choking, her heart running like crazy, gasping for air, and I told her that I loved her so much and that she had to let go, that it was ok, just let go, and that I was with her and nothing could harm her anymore, and there wil be no more vets… She passed and I waited… I saw no light, no afterlife sign, no soul going away… just her body, laying still, small and skinny.
I hurried to cancel the vet. I didn’t want her near my friend. We dig a grave in her pafourite spot in my parent’s house and put flowers. I still feel horrible for betraying her, for being selfish, knowing that for everybody I did everything possible to save her life, but between my friend and I, I listened to everybody but her. I regret that, and all pet owners who have smoe communication or language with their friends, know what I mean.
I didn’t want to get another pet, and got a roomate to fill the empty apartment. I couldn’t bare to live there, and some days I felt Titi’s soul was trapped and I would not move to another place, scared of leaving her alone… It’s crazy stuff, but those are my thought sometimes…
In february I went to a petshop to buy cat food (there’s two more cats in my parent’s home) and a guy entered with a small box, crying for help. I asked What’s inside the box? and there was a small kitten, bloody and still, who opened its eyes when we picked, and I decided that I had to do something and I kew what. I took care of her, and during a month visited all Titi’s vets, and adapted the house like it was before, with small changes. I knew that if it wasn’t Titi herself, she had sent her to me for sure, pushing me to all those places and people I sweared no to go again.
Lucas has recovered from all her injuries (she fell from some high place, we don’t know for sure) and is still doing some small treatment. She’s enjoying the apartment and is loving and caring like no cat before her. She’s only four months and she hates and battles vets already, which is good for me because I would think twice before doing vet’s stuff. I promise to care for her and be a good friend and leave her be all I can. I thank Titi, I ask her to forgive me, and I dream of seeing her again. But it’s ok if she doesn’t want to see me. She has good reasons. I love her anyway.
I don’t have nobody to speak about this, so thank you so much for reading. Please excuse my poor english. goodbye and all the best to you all and your friends!
Hi Paula,
Thank you for sharing Titi’s story. Your English was very good so no need to apologise for that. And no need to thank me for reading Titi’s story either. It was very moving. I know one thing for sure … you did not betray her. You loved her fiercely to the end and fought for her life like a lion.
Her time had come, Paula and nothing you could have done for her would have stopped that.
Little Lucas is a very lucky kitten. I once had a kitten that fell from a height before I found her too. I called her CHokdi, which means Lucky in Thai. Unfortuantely my little Chokdi was the unluckiest creature. You can read about her here: http://four-legged-friends.com/a-cat-called-lucky/
Let me know how things go wth Luca. I am thinking of opening a little pet gallery for readers so if you would like to send a picture of Lucas let me know.
Hugs
I have just read all these stories about losing your cat and maybe it would be quite therapeutic to write about my beloved cat Cailin. Cailin passed away on Monday, the 16th of April (two days ago) and she left such a huge gap in our lives. I got Cailin 19 years ago when I moved from Germany to Northern Ireland to live with my then Irish boyfriend (now husband). She was my very first cat. I had never owned one before. When I moved here I felt quite lonely at times. I missed my family and when a neighbour’s kitten regularly turned up at our house, my husband asked me if I would like a kitten as well. I knew that he wasn’t really that fond of cats so I thought it was actually quite sweet of him to let me have one. We went to the USPCA shelter to look at kittens and I picked one. I wanted a female cat because I read that they were supposed to roam less and stay closer to the home than a tom cat. When we went to pick up the kitten I had picked I asked the staff member to check again that it was definitely a female cat. There were a few kittens in that litter and they all looked very similar. He checked and told me it was a Tom and when he checked the remaining cats they all turned out to be Tom cats.
I really wanted to have a female cat, so the shelter manager took me to another litter and picked out this little ball of multi coloured fluff. She told me that this was definitely a female cat as this was a so called tortoiseshell cat and cats of this colouring were usually all female. I held this little fluffy thing and she looked at me with her blue eyes and I fell in love instantly. That was my cat!! We called her Cailin, which is the Irish word for ‘Girl’ and took her home. She was a real character and she was always there. She helped me settle into my new life, she was there when we got married, she was there when we had our three children, when we moved house- she was always around.
She had her own way of communicating with us. She was very vocal and had different sounds for different moods. And we loved her dearly. For 19 years she was with us. She had a healthy life, loved being outdoors (although at Night I kept her in). She was a good hunter (I had to put a bell on her collar as she was a very good bird catcher) and always very playful. She loved cheese and cream, only ate certain cat food brands (very choosy), loved freshly cooked chicken and begged at the dinner table like a dog.
When she was about 14 years old she needed daily tablets for Hyperthyroidism and for failing kidneys as well. I had her checked regularly and she was also vaccinated religiously. Although she slept a lot more she was still quite agile at times and as she got older she became more and more attached to us. She liked being near us, liked being cuddled. Hated it when we were away from home and the neighbour looked after her. And I never stopped worrying when we were away.
Then last weekend she stopped eating and as she was already terribly thin I got very worried. She vomited a couple of times and became lethargic. And when she refused to eat sausage from the fridge I knew for sure that something was wrong. She never refused chicken or sausage, even when she didn’t like the cat food. Food seemed to turn her. I phoned a friend, who is a vet and he suspected acute renal failure- the most common disease in older cats. I had to bring her in for blood tests and when I put her into the cat transport box, she didn’t even complain. Not a good sign. The vet took blood and put in a catheter. She was dehydrated and needed fluids urgently. He gave her some antibiotics and put her on a drip. The bloods were not bad, the kidneys still functioning well. So he suspected a stomach bug or something like that. He knew that I didn’t want to leave her so he said I could take her home and keep her on the drip. But as soon as she was in the car she cried terribly and had something like a seizure.
The vet suspected a reaction to the antibiotic and asked me to wait for 15-20 minutes. Then he checked her again and told me I could go now. As soon as I arrived home I realised that she had pulled out the IV and even when I re-attached it it wouldn’t drip. He told me to bring her back immediately as she really needed the fluids. I took her back and when I arrived she was miserable. I had to leave her with him and it was the hardest thing. I had promised her that would be with her all the way, that I wouldn’t leave her- and now I left her. But what could I do??? In the afternoon he took her home to his house as she was still on the drip and then told me he would bring her home. She was still not eating and when he arrived she had deteriorated. She cried miserably and looked awful. I asked him to be honest with me- and he said he didn’t think it was fair to carry on, that she was obviously suffering at this stage. I told him that we did not want that and that he should end it now for her and for us.
He put her into my arms and she was soaking wet. The fluids that went into her vain obviously just came out again. She peed all over me but I didn’t care. I talked to her, stroked her, told her she would be ok now. She was obviously in pain and she bit me in the finger. Something she hadn’t done for years. She only ever bit when she was uncomfortable or hurting. The vet administered the barbiturate into the catheter and it took merely a minute before her heart stopped beating. We were heartbroken and cried. We laid her on a blanket on the table and stroked her and kissed her and cried. Then we wrapped her up and put her back into the box that I had cleaned first.
The children had never known life without Cailin and especially my oldest daughter had a very strong bond with our cat and she was so upset. Yesterday we took Cailin to a pet crematorium. Her ashes will be put into a small urn that had carried a small part of my dad’s ashes. My dad passed away three years ago and because he had loved Ireland so much, we brought back a small part of his ashes and scattered them in Donegal. I had kept that small urn for Cailin. We can pick up the ashes tonight. Then we will hold on to them for some time until our garden- her garden, has been re-landscaped.
We will hopefully have a small tree planted for her and maybe we will bury the ashes underneath it or scatter them around the tree. But for now we will hold on to them and place them beside her photograph. A couple of years ago we had a portrait done of Cailin by a fantastic English artist called Sally Logue. She had captured our little darling so well and now we are so glad that we have this portrait of her hanging on our living room wall where we can see it as soon as we walk in. We miss her terribly and she can never be replaced. She was the most beautiful cat ever- four coloured, semi-longhaired and sophisticated. And she left a huge void in our lives. I still expect her to walk into a room, complain to me, beg for treats, wait at the door. It’s hard!! And it will be for a very long time to come! I am glad about one thing though- every Night, when I put her to bed I told her how much I love her! And I know she is reunited with my dad up there in heaven and is happy. He was very fond of her too!
Hi Kerstin,
Thank you for taking the time to write about Cailin. I know how hurt you must feel and I hope getting it down was therapeutic for you in some way. I am going to open a little memory gallery here one of these days and you might want to come back and include a picture of Cailin when I do?
It is so, so hard to lose our animal companions but the pain is small payment for the many years of joy and love they give us. I imagine you may not be ready for quite a while but one day, sometime in the future, I hope that another kitten will climb Cailin’s tree.
Dear 4legs,
a memorial gallery would be brilliant and I would definitely post some pictures of my beautiful cat there. Writing this down did help but also the fact that the people who read this and who wrote down their own stories all understand my feelings of loss. That helped too. Thank you so much for this website!
Kerstin
Hi Kerstin,
You are very welcome. I also take support from the stories that people have shared here and I am happy that it helps others in some way.
It is important to me that this site stays operational even just for this one page in which so much has been told and shared.
I’d like to do more in fact and open up the site to allow people to share more of their animal companion experiences but I am aware of the limitations in my web designer capabilities and so have asked for some help in that department.
Hopefully my friend will help me prepare a new Four Legged Friends website that is easier to navigate and also offers visitors more options to talk about their pets – and share both happy and sad stories and pictures of their animal companions past and present too.